Sunday, August 15, 2010

Wherein Mr. Cube Sympathizes with Mr.Fishburne Over His Daughter's Hardcore Sex Video

Distinguished actor Mr. Laurence Fishburne is upset.

Mr. Fishburne

His daughter, Miss Montana Fishburne, 18, has decided that she wants to become famous, right now.  In aid of that ambition she has made a hard-core sex video which she hopes will get her noticed.  It is titled "Montana Fishburne."

"I view making this movie as an important first step in my career," Miss Fishburne said, almost single-handedly making the argument for raising the voting age back to 21, or maybe 28 or 29. "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid [well-known distributor of homemade celebrity porn and distributor of "Montana Fishburne"].  I'm hoping the same magic will work for me. I'm impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it."

Miss Fishburne

One can hardly blame Mr. Fishburne for his unhappiness over his daughter's chosen path to fame. At least he has the support of his friends, including his former co-star in "Boyz n the Hood," famed rapper-actor-producer Mr. Ice Cube, a founding member of influential rap group N.W.A.  "Once your kids get to a certain age you can't control what they do," Mr. Cube recently stated.   "You can only hope that they do the right thing, do what you taught them, and sometimes they don't."  He concluded:    "Kids just do what they do."

Mr. Cube

Well put, Mr. Cube!  Indeed they do.   And sometimes, a young woman will have apparently been taught that her only value is to be found in her use as a oversized dehumanized sex tool.   But where on earth would a girl like Miss Fishburne have aquired such a notion?

As I was mulling this puzzle, I found myself humming Mr. Cube's catchy hit, "It's a Man's World" from his album "AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted":

     Women they're good for nothing no maybe one thing
     To serve needs to my ding-a-ling
     I'm a man who loves the one-night stand
     Cause after I do ya
     Huh I never knew ya
     Cause to kick it man it gives me the fits
     They wanna lay with they nose under your armpits
     Ice Cube won't wait so give it up cow
     After we do it you can go home now

Girls these days.  You try to instill some self-respect, but what the heck's a dad to do?   It's a real problem.  I was considering this very issue, recalling Mr. Cube's comforting words to his friend Mr. Fishburne, and pretty soon my toe started tappin', and next thing I knew I was transported back to the first time I heard Mr. Cube's moody lyrical meditation, "Get Off My D____ and Tell Yo B_____ to Come Here," a crossover favorite from the remix on the EP "Kill at Will":

     N_____ still tripping off the s____ I said last year
    About a b_____ is b_____ is a hoe is a slut
    Then I got rich but I'll never switch
     I'm not saying this to dis each and every fan
     Women you can ride but man be a man
     Cause if you're hangin there I'm a tell you loud and clear
     Get off my my d____ n _____ and tell yo b______ to come here

I mean, a guy becomes a father to a precious little girl, and he can't help but dread the day when she comes of age.  All he can do is hope that the influences he has brought to bear in her life will lead her down the path to self-respect and give her the strength to be the unique and valuable individual you raised her to be -- just like Mr. Cube said. 

But sometimes, as Mr. Cube also noted, young women just do what they do.  (All the time, actually, when you stop to parse that sentiment.)   It's great that Mr. Fishburne has the support of chums who are major artists like Mr. Cube, who "rocks the house," as the kids say these days, with memorable ditties like the irresistibly danceable "Dirty Mack" from his album "The Predator":
     There's a new girl on my street
     And I'ma introduce her to my meat
     Told my homeboy I was scoping hoping
     To crack them legs wide open
     Ready to break that thang in half, get it in with the shaft
     Take a bath and I'm out, yeah, better keep the Trojan
     And if the sex was good, still be the hoe's friend

I have just got to download that one to my ringtone.  Where was I?  Oh, yeah, wondering where a young AA woman might have gotten the idea that society values women solely for their willingness to engage in wide-release exhibitionistic sexual displays aimed solely at fueling male potency fantasies.  It's too bad Mr. Fishburne didn't have Mr. Cube's advice earlier on, as Mr. Cube is himself a strong family man.

When your Pop is a musician, I'd imagine that moral instruction begins with the earliest of lullabies, like maybe some of Mr. Cube's tuneful elegies on young womanhood, like "If I Was F_______ You" or "X-B_______," or "Givin' Up the N______ Dug Out."

In the end, we can all sympathize with Mr. Fishburne.   All you can do with today's precocious young lady is to expose her  to the best that modern culture has to offer and hope that she internalizes the values that will inspire her to choose a path other than to become a faceless adolescent spank dream.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go skag some t____rs, burn me some fl____z, and, if the mood strikes me, maybe even r____ some qu______ out. 

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