Wednesday, March 6, 2013


How did Ovaltine, makers of chocolate malty milk powder reputedly beloved of small children who repeatedly demand it, become so popular by selling a product THAT IS NOT SOLUBLE IN MILK? I put Ovaltine in the glass of milk, stir the thing frantically for MINUTES like the spoon is attached to a MerCruiser until I freakin' PRAY for carpal tunnel, and when I stop and remove the spoon I am presented with a surface of congealed islands of milk-resistant Ovaltine slowly swirling in the glass, and the sides of the glass looking like a windshield after an encounter with a flock of diseased sea gulls. 
Doesn't matter if I put the Ovaltine in first, or after I pour the milk. 
Doesn't even matter if I've warmed the milk. 
The thing invariably ends up looking like Willy Wonka's septic tank.  
I'm sure it's drinkable if you're a baleen whale straining that sludge out of the barely-flavored milk underneath, but otherwise it's like trying to drink something they found at Pompeii.
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