"Maori warriors voyage to Islands by canoe in 1823,
conquer local tribes, introduce electric pedal steel guitar"
"Our President notwithstanding, we hardly have any black people in this state"
"Captain Cook dump boatload of round-eyed devils on Islands, spread many social disease, boat with penicillin sunk in Kanalua Harbor by Ho'wardcurl'ai, God of Imbecility"
"King David Kmlppailekekekeke'i'i revered among all Hawaiian monarch for develop theory of global mellowing -- also restore alcohol sale in gentlemen hula club"
"We welcome you, O descendants of honky of the tiny brain bring mongoose to Hawaii in 1923 to hunt rat when rat is nocturnal and mongoose is diurnal, resulting in many hungry mongoose
who eat the eggs of cute native bird, but no rat"
"I smile only for you, O Greatest of All Deities Walletcleanakoi'ai, God of Tips"
"Angry God Mahuunawhirly only be placated by offering of
twisted charter helicopter wreckage in remote Na Pali canyon"
"Much native trinkets available at front counter half-price today only"