Top Dozen Reasons Why I Wish the Burger King Were OUR King

(12) Believes in the virtue of vigorous capitalist competition.

(Artist: TRPollard Jr)

(11)  Is always cheerful.

(10)   Fully appreciates the value of espionage to maintaining balance of power.  (Link goes to latest commercial showing the King stealing McDonald's plans for the Sausage McMuffin with Egg, his predecessor having left the Breakfast Sandwich Reverse-Engineering Project scandalously underfunded.) 


(9)  His public appearances limited to 30-second televised segments with a beginning, middle, and end.

(8)  Frozen expression on his face is 100% natural.

(7)  Although unmistakably regal, he is by no means an elitist; he moves freely among the common people.

(6)  Goes way beyond "don't ask don't tell."

(5)  Very unlikely to lecture us about childhood obesity; almost certain not to demand that we like organic lettuce.

(4)  Ruling by divine right eliminates need for Congress. 

(3)  Will never give a 23-minute answer to a 7-second question; in fact, will give no speeches at all.


(2)  Gravely concerned over the effect on human life of the depletion of the ozone layer.

(1)  The man knows burgers; I like burgers.

 

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