Monday, April 5, 2010

Top Dozen Reasons Why I Wish the Burger King Were OUR King

(12) Believes in the virtue of vigorous capitalist competition.

(Artist: TRPollard Jr)

(11)  Is always cheerful.


(10)   Fully appreciates the value of espionage to maintaining balance of power.  (Link goes to latest commercial showing the King stealing McDonald's plans for the Sausage McMuffin with Egg, his predecessor having left the Breakfast Sandwich Reverse-Engineering Project scandalously underfunded.) 


(9)  His public appearances limited to 30-second televised segments with a beginning, middle, and end.



(8)  Frozen expression on his face is 100% natural.



(7)  Although unmistakably regal, he is by no means an elitist; he moves freely among the common people.



(6)  Goes way beyond "don't ask don't tell."


(5)  Very unlikely to lecture us about childhood obesity; almost certain not to demand that we like organic lettuce.



(4)  Ruling by divine right eliminates need for Congress. 



(3)  Will never give a 23-minute answer to a 7-second question; in fact, will give no speeches at all.


(2)  Gravely concerned over the effect on human life of the depletion of the ozone layer.


(1)  The man knows burgers; I like burgers.

 

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35 comments:

  1. Makes as much sense as bamma's rambling crap

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  2. Actually, MORE sense...

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  3. At least the Burger King's Whoppers are palatable.

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  4. You forgot!

    Unlike our current President and health care reform, he lets you Have It Your Way!

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  5. Ah fat losers considering how history is sweeping them into the dust bin! I encourage you all to eat as much BK as you can afford as soon as possible, so hopefully your children will be raised right (that is, by people who aren't you).

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  6. And he's an empty, plastic shelled figurehead. We were much better off when we had one of those as a president.

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  7. Whatever, you guys had a King for 8 years, now you can suck it.

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  8. April 6, 2010 3:50 PM

    Of course the opposition response to a humor post would be a death threat.

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  9. You'd rather have a monarch than a democratically-elected President? Wow, talk about freedom.

    Get over the fact that he's not white and move on. Jeez.

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  10. "Believes in the virtue of vigorous capitalist competition."

    ...clinging to his ideology, even while he consistently loses to the competition. (Alas, he MUST be a Republican.)

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  11. "vigorous capitalist competition" means no taxes, disregarding the environment, labor laws, and consumer safety and paying off GOP lobbyists and legislators.

    We need a LOT more of that.

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  12. McGehee said... "something something death treat"

    hahaha, do you know what words mean? I suggested that you support america's number 2 fast food restaurant, just like you support america's number 2 political party. I didn't threaten you with anything, just encouraged you to savor deliciousness. Are you against 100% USDA grade A beef? Man, who hates freedom now? What kind of hyper-politicized world do we live in I can't suggest a lunch choice to a republican with out him or her assuming its a death threat? Lighten up, Francis.

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  13. Gotta love that 100% natural expression on the King's face. Naturally plastic.

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  14. It's really hard for you to accept a black man, elected by the majority of the voters, could actually be President of the United States. That this same black man could be a law professor, specializing in the United States Constitution, and that he could be so much more intelligent than you.

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  15. yes conservatives having a king would be really good for you. After all, Kings favor only the rich and everyone else is a peasant, they tend to have a national religion (this is somehow better than national health care?) the Burger King is in fact, white (you don't have to say it, we all know) and also he adds layers upon layers to your flabby asses which makes it really easy to squeeze into your extra stretched colonial garb. Also, the Burger King is in costume and we know how you weird wingnuts love that! It all makes sense now.

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  16. Okay, angry republican white men? Please stop attempting to write comedy. Please.

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  17. You already had a King. King George II. Look where that got ya.

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  18. My goal is to never end up like this doughy pantload whose hero is Burger King, and stuffs Whoppers up his rear.

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  19. I don't mind flame wars, as long as they're flame-broiled.

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  20. Anonymous No. 3, I'm embarrassed that that gag didn't occur to me, and I am going to steal it. With full attribution, of course.

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  21. Ha ha! Yeah, who wants a president who talks about policy and gives well-thought-out answers to questions? Blah blah blah, who cares, right?

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  22. Oh, Lord. Only clueless lefties would take this post seriously.

    Then again, since their anointed one is just another ad campaign, that's all they have to hold onto...

    By the way, aL, it was George III, you mindless lackwit.

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  23. I can't stand Burger King.

    But I'll happily take the silent and sunny King over that pompous windbag, Teleprompter Buddha, and his gang of elitist idiots savant.

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  24. Today's Tom SawyerApril 7, 2010 at 8:50 AM

    "You already had a King. King George II. Look where that got ya."

    Now, instead of a King, we got a Clown, the unqualified court jester. Look where we are going. Can't see it? You are riding in a handbasket to get there.

    A question: Why can't you race hustiling morons accept that our rejection of Obama has zero to do with race?

    Why can't you simply accept what all sane people see? That his incompetence is independent of his skin color. We are the same people who saw thru the Redneck President, Jimmy Carter and the phony Brahman, John Kerry and both of them are white.

    The term rascist is now meaningless because a bunch of libtard peadophiles have rendered it so thru knee-jerk misuse.

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  25. Even a JOKE gets turned into hoopla by libs...they'll latch onto anything and twist it to get their way which is what they, in their elite and msm-following minds, think is best for all, whether we like it or not. I think this is hilarious, Steve. Liberal babies stop being so touchy and PLEASE stop using racism as an excuse for Obummer's poor politics!

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  26. I can't help but feel sorry for the left after reading their responses to this JOKE about BK! They are apparently the kids who nevr left the grade school playground and came to class, because "you sound fat" ceased to be an answer to anything in 3rd grade, and in 4th grade we learned which King of ENGLAND it was that our faounding fathers sent the Declaration of Independence to.
    Makes me reconsider home-schooling if this is an example of what thhis liberal regime things is well-educated.

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  27. You know, most comedians will tell that you in order for a joke to be funny, it has to have some kind of modicum of truth to it.

    This "Obama is an arrogant king" thing really doesn't make sense to anyone not batshit crazy.

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  28. He only wants babes, cologne, great burgers, play a little football, might steal a few secrets from a clown, a little jewelry now and then....BUT he will never, ever raise your taxes and tell you how to live....a real President...and born in Miami !!!!

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  29. Plus....he vows to never, ever, never, did I say ever...read a teleprompter.

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  30. Yes It will all be explained and outlined and totally be disgussed with clearity on cspan

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  31. Wow folks! It's a JOKE! Get your heads out of your collective asses for God's sake! Well said Tom Sawyer!! I'm SO TIRED of these morons playing the race card! So I guess that since Clarence Thomas J.C. Watts are black & the libs hate them, that they are in turn racists as well? REMEMBER liberal/progressives....WHO was it that freed the slaves? A REPUBLICAN! What about your beloved Al Gore's daddy - "Most Democrats from the Southern states opposed the bill, including Senators Albert Gore, Sr. (D-TN), J. William Fulbright (D-AR), and Robert Byrd (D-WV). Gore could not be regarded as an out-and-out integrationist, having voted against some major civil rights legislation including the Civil Rights Act of 1964." So what do you have to say about that?? Who's the racist party again??

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  32. Silly Republicans, Democrats, and assorted third-partiers who are invariably wing nuts. None of them can take a joke, or recognize one when they see it, for that matter. In addition, they are functionally illiterate and most likely partake in deplorable acts of sexual deviancy, for only such a person would take up political views contrary to my own.

    I am so great. I am so great. Everybody loves me, I am so great.

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